Trauma can occur in ways you never thought of. Have you ever thought this was a player in the business? In this world, we are taught to keep our careers and personal lives apart, and it can be particularly shocking to make cameos on your workday. As a heart-centered business owner, love her boss (I'm so interesting), which shocked me when I realized that the trauma of the “Big T and Small T” was still affecting me.
In this story, trauma begins in childhood
My first abuse experience was three years old. It initiates a lifelong unhealthy relationship with men. Then, the mixed messages I received in a Latino family, the youngest of three daughters. Despite being primarily a community of women, few men treat them like kings. People even called my father “the first”.
My parents wanted to empower us with news like “becoming a leader, not a follower.” Also heard “Family business stays here”. Then you are rewarded for keeping quiet and keeping smiling. We don't know about toxic enthusiasm or the dangers of confidentiality at that time. It's just that we can't embarrass our family.
Abuse comes in all forms
Years later, I discovered that the travel and hospitality profession is a sales expert. Now, I'm paid to smile and please keep people quiet if it's bad for the business. People in power look like I am prey. I just laughed because of the trauma. What they can say is so inappropriate that it will make you blush. This will surely shock their wives.
Others have made racist comments about me, About me They smiled as if I was joking. After leaving a company, a male executive told me, “I asked you to do it. You're nothing in front of us.” Another Christmas week called me every morning and afternoon to find out if I made a sale. Not because I mentioned approaching one. Just to bully me, remind me who is the person in charge. As you can imagine, I was the only salesperson on December 23.
These men use their words and strength to make me the smallest version of myself. They will then promote or hire equally qualified white women to make me “replace me.” Since abuse is no stranger to me, I just accepted it. Somehow, I think it's my fault.
Whites are not the only perpetrators, and certainly not the only gender that abuses power. The latter is worth another blog, don't you think?
Is the customer really always right?
In a pleasant business, things can blur. After a few drinks after dinner, when the top client puts his hands on the swag, you have to decide whether to give up the account or simply absorb it. So I can choose between being respected or getting a bonus?
Or, when you do sales trips and potential customers drink wrongly, even if you know clearly that the world’s best man is waiting for you in Boston. Then, when you want to leave, he gets angry. “Do you call your boyfriend or what?” He said, trying to order another drink to soothe you and comment on how your heels make your legs look. Despite trying to order Uber from your hotel, he does not allow you and ask for a drive. This is an important client…I won't mess with this issue. He then continued to drive slowly through the alley, leaving you wondering if you had completely restored it to its original state.
Where to find help
What if I had someone talking to, that was the only role to support me? Not a therapist or counselor, although you know my support. But someone who cares about my career, growth and mental health. A person without internal motivation for the company. Who doesn't need me to fill out paperwork and then end up being told that management “doesn't mean” that there is no impact other than my discomfort. Maybe this trauma pattern will be caught early in my career.
Now imagine a coach Who teaches team members how to set boundaries. People who understand the nuances of the service industry, care about individuals, and I hope the business will be successful. If the company offers this level of support, do you want to stay longer?
Deloitte recently shared “Coaching culture is the practice that is most closely related to business performance, employee engagement, and overall retention.” The company considers high-influence leadership organization “The cost of management development is 1.5–3 times that of peers.” According to a study by the Center for Progress, companies with high employee involvement are 21% profit.
Ready to create positive change?
Now I am a business owner and trauma still follows me. Here I run the business that I am proud of myself, live a professional and personal life that aligns with my values, and excels in the world. However, these people still live in my subconscious. It is because of them that I've been playing this without realizing it. Because if I go bigger, then I need to face the abuser. Not those who directly hurt me, but white cis grocery in power, I always thought it was a threat to my safety. Today is over.
I jumped bravely this week and posted it as an article on LinkedIn (minus everyone's extra Deets). Initially, it was designed to live as a blog post on my website, and only travel can heal the community. It's really scary, I'm sure I have a fragile hangover. Could I be excluded by potential clients or partners? Maybe. But those people I want to work with that kind of person? You know the answer. If we are to create a healthy work culture, mental health and a happier life, this silence must stop. Will you be brave too?
This is because of my recovery journey, my time on healthy travel and the opportunity to connect with the therapist, I can shine in my glory. You can find happiness in the company you are with, find your role expansion, and feel more like yourself more often. If you feel like you take care of yourself, your business or your team, I'm here to help you. Let's change the world.
