“I'm very unsafe.” I didn't expect to speak out loud. After years of recovery, it seems impossible for me to feel this way. But that’s exactly how I feel when I share it with my husband’s fragile moments.
Will you admit that you are insecure?
“If I’m really honest with myself, at my core, I feel deeply insecure.” I said this on May 6, 2025. It is important that you have to know how you feel lately. Why? Because building an unshakable self-worth is a daily exercise.
The story in our mind
On the same day, I released these words into the room, proving that it wasn't actually that. What happened is a story I am used to. It started when I was three years old – the first time I remembered myself not good enough. The three-year-old who often questioned her value was the one who accepted a child’s seat at the company’s dining table, thinking that it was what she deserved.
The woman who writes this article is not unsafe. She has her own insecurity, self-doubt moments, and unworthy moments. Unlike most people, she is willing to feel them and acknowledge them. Instead of inhabiting them, she recognizes the power that allows to see these thoughts and feelings.
Handle perfectly or less than
What assumptions come to mind when you think someone is “unsafe”? Surprisingly, how we create meaning around simple things like words. We build a story that supports this meaning, like someone who is not safe is a bad leader. Or insecurity means you don’t love yourself. (They said you have to learn to love yourself and then love you again. Don't let me start that nonsense.)
Then consider the emotions that this meaning brings. Do you feel sorry? frustration? impatient? Puzzled?
How do you communicate with unsafe people? Are you walking on an eggshell that tries not to hurt their feelings? Maybe you see yourself as an alpha that doesn’t have time to express this emotional state. Do you think this is a weakness and lose trust?
It is important to recognize these thoughts, feelings and beliefs within you. These stories support you to get rid of the hustle and bustle culture and restore your freedom of time. You think the way to drive success is actually something that stops you from enjoying it.
How our brains deceive us
To understand all the information we receive, our brains classify it, which can lead us to a black and white way of thinking. This view has been strengthening. Think of the basic description we use:
- Rich or poor
- Winner or loser
- Success or failure
- Confident or unsafe
Or how to strengthen this in the media:
- Angels and devils on our shoulders
- Cancel culture
- Batman and the Clown
These dichotomies do not leave room for human complexity. We have the ability to feel a lot of things at the same time. We mainly exist in the middle. Even if you look at these extremes, you can make assumptions. If you have money, you will win, succeed and be confident. This means that if you are poor, you will lose, fail and be insecure. There is no doubt that when we are at our lowest moments, we already feel some, a few or all of these things about ourselves. But, do we really feel all the good stuff? The perfect level of our value we use to measure?
Feed your brain better
Our brains play bad skills in us. That's why this nonsense stands out from our minds. See the beauty of everything in between. Try this to make it size:
- Rich
- Thank you
- Annoyed
- Outstanding
- study
- Worry
- Excited
- Disappointed
- Full of hope
- Grow
Yes, I threw some bad feelings out there because that was real life. Can admit them. Because hiding them will give them more power. We don’t want to live in that negative emotion, we don’t want to deny it. The way to get power is to feel them and walk through them. I promise you don't have to be perfect.
Establish security in imperfect situations
So when I shared that moment of my deep insecurity, everything inside me felt like it was reality. Black and White thinks my brain is using an inaccurate narrative, which leads to a feeling and belief. But then I spoke out loud and the evidence against it was flooded. I'm not unsafe. My younger version is. My women today have insecurity moments. At my core, I am full of confidence in who I am, my gift, and my presence in this world.
It's because I feel safe enough to share this feeling and I'm able to realize it's not true. This opportunity to express force freed my thoughts. Sometimes it's very simple. Acknowledging my husband, the safest person I feel, brings everything to me. Now imagine it will be harder in other spaces. Can you tell your friends? Your colleague? Your boss?
Weaknesses of armor
In society, when we enter the world, we are taught to wear this armor. We manifest as a perfect creature who is always confident, knows everything, never feels pain (unless it is physically… maybe), and certainly does not doubt ourselves. We have become more satisfied with terms like “impostor syndrome” due to the use of social media, which can be recognized occasionally. But we have Self-doubt? What happened outside of work? Grab my pearls! Bold. We can't do that. In fact, we don’t even want to admit ourselves, because that’s the images we built will collapse like a house of cards. We should be perfect.
This kind of armor is exactly why we need a safe space that can be displayed realistically. Business cards and titles are not only discouraged – are forbidden. We are more than just the role we play for others. We can breathe when we have the opportunity to stop acting. Have you noticed how long you breathe? You can exhale, the Huns.
Leave your title at the door
What if I told you to admit that these things are actually the bravest thing you can do? When you release it, the world doesn't collapse. I know your work environment may not be the same place. There is not psychological safety everywhere. And I understand that most people don’t think like I do. But that's why you're safe in the space I've created. Because no matter how it appears that day, we should belong to it.
That's why I created it Her suite connector. Your secret door, your keys can be created to succeed according to your own terms. Ambitious women of people of color and allies are a safe space to unite to learn, grow, share and be themselves without any performance. Perfection is not on the agenda.
Because I keep a safe space, you can't find a link that you can join on social media or anywhere. If you want to invite this table, please send me a message: jackie@inspiredjourneyconsulting.com
